Big Birthday List

Here is a list of things I would like to get done before all the people come over for the big birthday party. I like to have a big birthday party every year not because I think it is a big deal that I have gotten worse and less virile, but rather because my social nebula has far too few occasions on which to gather in one place and have a smoke.

1. Finish Brick Path. I started the brick path around the lawn using leftover bricks that the previous homeowner had kind of let "go to seed" and sink under the general debris. I still have about 12' to go before the path is done. I really don't like laying bricks, though, because it is such precise work and involves a lot of being on one's knees and laying on one's side with a rubber mallet, trying to get things level. Last time I worked with the bricks, in 2003, I was so bored with the activity that I made myself a rum and coke and ended up hitting my knuckle with the mallet. I played off the pain (people were watching) by joking that my drink was called the "bricklayer's helper" but to this day I know that I hit my hand because of alcohol.

2. Choose Menu. The key to having a ton of people over and getting them fed is to have 90% of your food ready to go the day before or morning of the party. What should I make? This is hard to say. I should make things which sit well at outside temperature, absorb booze and taste good. I also don't want to break the bank, so maybe we'll do a lot of polenta-based hors d'oeuvres, and grilled kebabs. Perhaps I can finally make a pot roast in that new dutch oven and maybe serve it up shredded like pulled pork next to some sliced rolls and coleslaw for dressing. Oh goodness gracious I am going to serve pot roast with coleslaw to people and I just want to dance around in a little circle with red mules on.

3. Did You Want Me to Get Beer? Yeah, fine, I can do that. I was going to brew a keg of the 2.9% for all-dayers, and bottle some of the 5.8% for the citizens who would be concerned about not getting shitfaced by 4pm under the June sun. In other news, if you half-die under the porch for eight weeks, you'll get to sample some of our plum wine. Provided I find you come August.

4. Jogging Buddy. Ever since 2005 I never go jogging. Maybe I need a "jogging buddy." This would ideally be a simple man with no weird ideas who was pretty dedicated to running approximately three miles each morning. If you are considering this position, remember that I don't have a lot to prove and mainly want to get out of the house. We don't have to talk a lot.