"Awesome!" A Blog.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Chicken Stock, Chicken Stock

Man, why did I make ten quarts of chicken stock when the kitchen is already full of dirty dishes. And how did the kitchen get full of dirty dishes when all we've been eating lately is takeout food? Today for lunch was sandwiches from that new Bullpen deli, and dinner was Greekish food from Santorini, that decent joint on Laurel. Somehow all the surfaces in the kitchen are covered with recyclable bottles and cans, dirty mugs, and trash. How does this happen? Maybe it happens because when you are asleep a new baby can use her small fingers to reach just far enough into your sleeping ear to press the Reset button, much as we do to a Palm-sized device or Texas Instruments Speak-n-Spell with a paperclip.

A new baby unwittingly invents several hip-hop jerks, gestures and other nightclub moves which need only minimal refinement before sexual men and women can use them on the dance floor. Among them:

1. Do The Cry
Stand in the middle of the dance floor and just scream until you get so agitated that you hyperventilate. Here come the (police) ladies.

2. Every Body Get Startled!
Babies have a "startle" reflex which causes their arms and legs to shoot out when startled. Next time someone you like walks past, "Get Startled!" by immediately jumping up and making your arms and legs into a big capital X. If you simultaneously crap your pants, then so much more the baby are you.

3. Everybody East Side West Side Heyyy-ohhh Heyyy-ohhh
Babies do that thing with their hands like gangsters do, where they use their fingers to form letters signifying gangster signs or affiliations (Blood, Crip, etc). Next time you see a baby startle, closely watch the way they crinkle and contort their hands. You may be able to catch whether they are a Blood or a Crip.