What I got for Christmas

You won't believe this, but I was surrounded by a bit of a Christmas "jinx sphere" this year. Every time anyone tried to pick up or order a present for me, it would invariably show up wrong, broken, or mis-ordered. Here are some examples.

1. Weber Q Barbecue. My wife tried to order this compact, highly-portable gas grill for me. Unfortunately, she actually ordered the Weber Baby-Q, which is a much, much smaller and less powerful version of the same grill. Who do I blame for this mix-up? That's right: our Baby.

2. A bottle of wine. A friend, who is a great wine enthusiast, forgot my gift (a bottle of good wine) back at his house on Christmas Eve. He had also left his jacket, his inhaler, and his car keys (he had caught a ride with an extremely undiscerning motorist). He says I might get the wine later, "if he cares."

3. Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. This frequent New Yorker contributor's book on the psychology of first impressions was high on my list. Unfortunately, some dude in the storeroom at Borders had bent it and drawn on the inside cover, and it had to be sent back to the distributor. My first impression of Borders: do not draw on the book, and break it over the edge of a stair, because then I do not get to have it, Borders.

On the upshot, I am extremely tired and will probably not toss and turn with terrible thoughts all night. I will fall directly to sleep and dream of a tiny, ineffectual barbecue with a single sardine hanging off either end, its eyes twitching and mouth gasping while its belly lightly steams.