"Awesome!" A Blog.

Friday, February 25, 2005

I have discovered the worst flavor

Okay, so imagine that you were up late the night before, and you had a cigarette with a friend, but you're not used to cigarettes, and then you went to bed kind of dehydrated. Then you slept in a little bit and woke up with dry morning mouth and kind of a stomach ache, so you chugged a shot of mint-flavor Mylanta.

That mixture creates the worst flavor. You might want to try seeing if you can arrange it sometime.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

I bought a thing at 7-11

Our dog has a game in which she constantly wants you to throw this mini-sized tennis ball for her. It drives me up the fucking wall. I've never been one to pick up the slimy tennis balls dogs foist on you, so today I bought a toy at 7-11 which should ameliorate our situation. It is called EYE SIGHT CHALLENGE and it is Made in China. Can you guess what it is? No, of course you can't. It's a little red slingshot. Ah, who doesn't look fondly back on those innocent days of youth, spending hours with one's young chums, trying to knock down tin cans to see who would win the eye sight challenge.

Even more curiously, the package is decorated with these waving checkered flags.

Monday, February 07, 2005

The perfect people

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but there are these people across the street who are completely perfect. This is what I have observed them doing:

1. Going to city hall meetings
2. Re-landscaping their front yard, including copper pipe stuff
3. Pulling up and re-pouring concrete which had been slightly damaged by a tree root
4. Installing new windows
5. Taking all the boards off of their house and putting them back on again.

If you were a funny-ho-ha person you might think I was joking about that last one. No, they took all the boards off their house and put them back on again. I'm not sure what that was all about, but I know that they are intensely religious, so perhaps it was their way of avoiding "the big O."

Maybe they know something I don't. I doubt it, though. I spent today leaving the boards on my house and watching an Animal Planet special about puppies. Also, my dog stole five ounces of gorgonzola off the coffee table and took a heinous shit in the yard.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Tonight a woman showed me a video.

Tonight a woman showed me a video of a baby being born. As it turns out, when the baby comes out of the hippie mom who agreed to be filmed with her co-star, Ferdinand The Distended Rectum, it is a completely pale chalky white, like plaster. This was news to me. I thought it would be kind of light bluish/yellow, like a strangled person. Just goes to show you that even if you read all the books, you still might not know what sort of dead body your baby might resemble. Life is a miracle! Etc.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

We made paella.

Have you done this? It's pretty much the same as making risotto, except there's some more-involved meatwork. You sort of "jerk" the chicken in paprika and oregano for a couple hours before browning it, I think that's where it gets most of its distinctive flavor. That and the chorizo.

We included clams and prawns, but I would omit these if saving any of it for later because seafood leaves a lingering, unpleasant taste that the dog doesn't like. She sniffed a spoonful of the cold leftovers and looked up at me with those watery, plaintive eyes that she has. My dog looked at me with her eyes.