New Desk

I have a new desk, in a new room. It is a fancy IKEA tall workstation with shelves above my head (when I am sitting) and it fits neatly into a corner of our front office. I think it is called THE GRÜMH unit or something very similar. The fancy nice printer is on my right, and on my left is a rolly-cabinet in which I store painting supplies, some sketches, and fan mail from 2002. Do you want to read a list of all the electronic gizmos I have on my desk? I never thought of myself as a gizmo person but here are all my gizmos:

1. Digital snapshot camera (2.0 megapixels)
2. Cellular telephone (Samsung)
3. Small but powerful digital video camera (mini "d-v" format?)

Huh. It seemed like a lot more gizmos when I was setting up the desk. I actually brought #3 in and set it down after I made the two-item list, just to flesh things out. I am not counting the scanner as a gizmo, because it is not a sexy little thing I can sport in public.

Oh, man. I completely forgot to mention that my monitor is a flat panel display, and my keyboard is wireless. Here's a haiku I wrote about the Gizmo Lifestyle:

Life is sweet
The gizmos are sweet
Who downloaded Crash Test Dummies
Onto my computer

whoops

Sorry, that was an email meant for a friend. I do occasionally have a hard time telling which Microsoft-based text editor I'm using. WHOOPS sorry.

Subject : Re: Which Clash album did you want?

To : Gideon Krauss-Finkelman <gid_the_yid@gmail.com>
Subject : Re: Which Clash album did you want?
----- Message Text -----

Gideon,

Yes, I did receive the discs in the post just the other day. Thank you. Tonight I put them all on my computer (? ? ) and started to play them. There were 546 songs! I was excited to get to hearing them, so I started the player, and the first song started. It is by my personally appreciated band, The Magnetic Fields. Up 'til now I only had his "Get Lost" album, plus a couple others, so I know what a crapshoot this guy is. However, about 1:16 into the first song of his you included, I can see he is on his A-game here. I don't know if there is a better compliment I could give to a friend who has sent music to another friend.

Sorry about Max and Crane. They can be like a dog sometimes.

- Mrs. Patterson, Your Teacher Who Died

On Sun, 16 Jan 2005, Gideon Krauss-Finkelman wrote:
>> Did you get the CDs I sent along? I am wondering about whether you got them.
>> I am in Tahoe. Crane and Max have spent forty-eight straight hours
>> throwing snowballs at a small fire hydrant sign.
>> G

"Jerk"

I jerked some chicken tonight. When you're doing this, you sort of half-heartedly want to make "jerk-off"-based jokes, but obviously you know better because everyone's already thought of that and it's not funny at all. Still, though, it was my first time jerking anything and my mind was racing.

What happens when you go on a walk.

I thought I'd get out and stretch my legs a bit today, so I dressed in fancy exercise-type sports pants and walked around the town. I walked for about forty uneventful minutes with a little local newspaper, reading stories and facts from the "knowitall" section. Did you know that West Virginia has the lowest crime rate of any US State? Maybe it's because what we consider crimes, West Virginians consider routine acts of procreation and natural selection. Did you know that there are only seven Starbucks in all of West Virginia? Not that California is any shining example of cultural evolution, but we have 1,551 Starbucks. I feel much more comfortable living in a state where douchebags are never more than five miles from a seven dollar cup of coffee. I feel that much less likely to get shot off the back of my free-thinking friend's chopper by a good old boy with a shotgun, even though the closest I ever get to riding on a chopper is sitting in my friend's '97 Camry, and the closest I ever get to free thinking is checking my PayPal account.

Oh, that's the thing I was trying to think of. Our little comics venture has shipped merchandise to 49 of 50 US states — who's missing from the US equation? West Virginia. I know there are colleges there, because both Don Knotts and Billy Crystal got their diplomas in WV. If you live in WV and order something from our shop, I will personally see to it that we throw in a little something extra. I'd like to shade your state in, on that little inkjet printout of US Sales Distribution which I have tacked above my pillow on the headboard.

After I was done fretting about West Virginia I wandered in to Best Buy, this normal electronics/appliance chain. I have been looking for a good flat panel monitor lately and there was a pretty good deal on one there so I ordered it. Then on the way home I noticed little airplane bottles of Absolut in the weeds/bushes at the side of the sidewalk every five-to-twenty feet. I counted about twelve Absolut bottles in all, then there was a little airplane-size Jack bottle, then I was at the corner gas station. It seemed like someone or some small group of people had bought approximately twelve little bottles of Absolut, and one little bottle of Jack, and drank them while heading down the street away from the gas station. I can only guess that this is what happened. Either that or some person bought a single airplane bottle of the booze every day and tossed it on the way home. I know that it wasn't me because I work at home and can buy Absolut in larger bottles.

Anyhow, I felt great after my walk. I had a little bit of energy and I also felt like I had unearthed a lousy mystery.

My Amazon Wish List

I never thought it would be cool to make an Amazon Wish List because why should anyone buy anything for me, you know. Anyhow, I recently made one and some people actually bought me some stuff, which changed my opinion.

Okay, here is a list of things that have been stolen from me or things that I otherwise am interested to receive:

http://amazon.com/gp/registry/3FG5JVBBWZYDT

I work on this all the time now. You might want to bookmark it and check back regularly. (I hear about new albums, or remember old good ones, almost twice per day.)

Hm oh here is another thing I can blog about: today at IKEA I spent an incredible amount of money. I'm not going to say what I think an incredible amount of money is, but I will give you this hint: I rented a U-Haul van in which to carry all the stuff home. Okay, can you guess how much I spent? (This is so fun!) Okay, do you give up? I spent a lot less than I would have if that goddamned place had had even half of their shit in stock. You think your meatballs and open-faced shrimp Kröstjes will leaden my senses, but I know your deal, IKEA. Go through the showroom and get all excited, but then when you get down to the bins where all the pieces are stored, the only thing that's available are five hundred thousand Christmas napkins, a children's object that looks like a mesh accordion, and a white couch with a huge handprint on it.

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